emme’s

From someone being told to do something to someone who had to tell someone else to do something was one of the biggest change… and it ain’t purty.

I got to finish 2 projects and I’m still working on the last one that was given to me in the latter part of the year. This one got me big time.

I was barely surviving the one that the client called off for financial reasons, I was recovering from the horrors of the one prior to that and this is endangered with something that history might repeat. I have a lot of hesitations and I have a lot of fears.Banking on to the new role given by the company means you have to live it. It means you have to be it and it means you have to stand for it.

I feel I failed in the first one that I got… the one where I was left by my lead towards the end while the coumterparts do not treat you as an equal but rather a small kid trying to play with the big kids.

I don’t know what pissed me off… The fact that they see me like a kid or the fact that I was not given enough trust. My ego was bruised, my confidence was shaken and my conviction was weakened.

I know I still rant about what happened to my career, but if you were in my place, you think you can help it? I know, it was just business, but they should have at least been men enough to tell me so to my face. They should have informed me properly regarding what was exactly going on and not for me to find out after all stupid reports have been filed and for me to defend myself in a panel where all of the higher ups from both corporate sides were present. Foine! So, I survived! Big Deal!!! But you see… I even dropped by the head office for checks and lessons learned roll out… I would have at least been informed about it then.Things went by as though nothing happened and I am now playing with a new set of big boys for another project in another office. I feel so wary that my fears and insecurities would sometimes show. I don’t want to go through with what I went through with that other head office of which I pray won’t happen again.I know I would be able to let things go, but it would be too difficult. I am in the process of letting almost everything go at this time.

After my little trip to the head office, I headed to Texas for my cousin’s wedding. I was there during the traditional tea ceremony. It was gorgeous! Big bummer… It was a great holiday only for me to find out after the reception that my room practically went under water during Typhoon Frank, well, at least, that was the first blow.

When I arrived from my trip, I was informed of my maternal grandpa’s passing. He has been on his bonus stage for some time, but still, a loss is a loss and I will forever miss him. The big, black Joe of the clan has finally found his rest, may he rest in peace.

My best friend from college got married a few weeks after my grandpa’s burial. I felt strange since I have been planning to attend the wedding for a long time. I was even part of the team who made videos and testimonials for the bride and groom, yet, I didn’t feel I was supposed to really celebrate much because of our family’s loss.

My blog suffered a whole lot. I have been writing on and off since June that I no longer know what to write anymore. Little by little, I am getting back on track and hopefully the muse would find me soon.

No matter how much we sometimes want to have the person, it just couldn’t happen for some strange reason unbeknownst to people who aspire for it.

2008, too was the year when our club turned 40 years old. Goodness!!! It is even older than I am. I was involved in the preparation but I was not there during the event itself…. bummer!As I try to drown the pain as a result of my stupidity, I have made new friends and I am hoping I could build a world where I could grow on my own in the company of other people.

My uncle got tired of having no children of his own that he adopted a cute little baby. She’s my cousin and she’s also my God-daughter.

Today, I learned of another change…. My other cousin is about to get married and I’m gonna be an aunt… this April.

There are situations in one’s life that one has to accept, no matter what the circumstance. There are things that one must choose to let go and suffer the pain in silence. That pain, however, is just temporary and if you managed to keep yourself sane, you become a stronger person.

We are all but passers-by in this cold world. The memories we share with those we choose to are the only things that keep us warm and cozy. Time flies by and stops for no one. When you allow a second to slip, you have already allowed a second of change made without you in it.

It has been very exhausting. but, hurray for 2009… new hope begins.